I am genuinely surprised that I have gotten this far!
When I started — “restarted” to be more accurate — this blog, I did not have any expectations about the longevity of it. The idea of running another personal public blog has been sitting in my mind for days and weeks for a while, and the plant has only been watered because of all the blogs I have been reading then. I was super inspired, and I wanted to have my own. Even though my last attempt wasn’t very successful (well, my last public attempt; I’ve had the same personal journal throughout my late grade school and high school life and even until my early college years), I was just too excited not to give it another try again.
So, what changed and what made it work this time? (I really hope I don’t jinx anything…)
Scheduling. Apparently, it is the secret to everything! It’s all about planning ahead. And so far, I have been very diligent about it. However, getting too diligent is also against what I really wanted for my blog in the first place; I don’t want things to be too arranged. I want it to be still spontaneous in some way, so I made a personal rule only to write posts at most two weeks in advance, and nothing more than that. If I end up writing more than two, I can schedule it within the same week as the other blog posts. Why? I want my blog to reflect my present. I don’t want it to get too behind. When I get enthusiastic about something at a particular moment, it could be that that enthusiasm might only be for that particular moment, and it would no longer come back to me in the future. Maybe, in a few days’ or weeks’ time, I have moved on from that “emotional frame of mind,” and if my blog post about it comes out weeks after that moment, since I scheduled it in advance, I could no longer relate to it then, and in that case, it no longer really reflects who I am and what I think then. I don’t want this to happen. So this is my compromise. I can have the advantages of having an active blog and also having it reflect the “current” me and my “current” thoughts.
I also am liking this privacy so far. The reason why I have held off having a public blog for years, even though I’ve always wanted to have one, even during my private journal days, is the threat of “being out in the open.” I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to really express myself if I feel too conscious about my image, which naturally comes for me when it comes to putting myself out there, even on the internet. Since this blog started, I haven’t particularly advertised it on Twitter, which is my main place, although I did talk about my curiosity for running one before then. Still, I am feeling that my attitude towards this whole privacy thing is also changing. I am starting to feel freer about things these days, about expressing myself, letting my thoughts out into the open air without any consequences, and also about doing whatever I want to do. In a more general sense, I also honestly feel so free about anything, about life in general, or at least about my attitude towards it… but I am going to reserve this whole discussion for another post.
Since having a blog means writing all your thoughts down, because of this blog, I have been doing just that. I don’t think I have done the lengthier version of “writing my thoughts down” since I stopped writing on my LiveJournal, and the closest equivalent of this activity I could think of is my tweeting. I have always expressed how much I missed doing it — keeping a journal — and now, I’m back it again, and it makes me feel so good! Even though it might not be like before — before, I wrote more about what actually happened in my day-to-day life in vivid detail, because I wanted to remember everything and just let all my feelings out; this time, it’s more of getting my thoughts out, more on reflections and what goes on in my head, more on the abstract and less on concrete life happenings (unless it’s really important) — it is still very freeing, and it’s a good way to keep myself in check. If you’re reading this and you don’t keep a journal, I really recommend that you should! It could be physical or digital, it doesn’t matter. Trust me: it’s good for you! It’s very therapeutic.
I’m not sure how long this will last. I want it to keep going on and on for ages, but I’ll see. It’s always like that in the beginning. My LiveJournal lasted for years, and I was able to document my whole high school life on it, every important detail. I love reading back on what I wrote about the events I attended, about the people I have met, about all the emotions I went through. I could easily relive all those moments, because I didn’t hold anything back when I wrote them down. I want the same thing to happen to this one. I’m sure it won’t be exactly the same, though, since, like I said, this one is more on my reflections, but they, too, can change over time, and what I thought at a certain time can reflect what I was going through at that same point in my life.