Conscious Effort

I am taking the initiative to change some qualities in myself that needs to be improved.

I have been doing it somewhat spontaneously and subconsciously before, but I thought writing them down might help me have a clearer perspective and make these goals more concrete.

Being more assertive and clearly laying out what I want, instead of taking the backseat and letting others decide for me. By default, I have a very unassertive personality, and I usually let others take the lead. I usually only take the reins when I think that “things have completely gone to the dumps, and I have to take over now or else.” To be perfectly honest, my own trait is beginning to annoy me, and I want to change that. A lot of things become easier when you’re straightforward and clean about things right from the start. You want this? Then say so.

Being more spontaneous and open to experiences, instead of wallowing in discomfort and allowing my prejudices to take over me. One important thing I have learned recently is that what I am scared of, or more accurately put: what causes the “scare” I experience, is actually the pressure that I inadvertently put on myself by thinking that things — or more specifically, I — have to be a certain way in certain situations, when things would work out just as fine when I am just being natural and don’t put it in any effort to be something or someone else. When I saw it in others, that they were just being themselves in situations, I realized that I’ve been doing things wrong this whole time. There is no ideal anyone was working towards. They were just being themselves, and by being themselves, they didn’t have that pressure, which in turn didn’t make them dread these experiences. It’s also about approaching situations without any prejudice or expectations and just letting things unfold! Don’t put yourself through all that unnecessary stress!

Taking off identity or personal labels. I am a big fan of typology and personality theories, but it also is my own downfall, because I end up attaching myself to whatever categories I believe I fall into, and end up closing myself off of other possibilities, even though it shouldn’t be like that in the first place. But this applies not only to typology, but also other things that put me in a category: I can still be those things, but I also should not limit myself to those labels. I can be other things, too. I’m dynamic like every human being. Similarly, I should also apply this to others, and remind myself always that people are capable of changing themselves: just because they are a certain way now does not mean they will be that way forever.

Realizing that I can always give more effort than what I believe a situation deserves. This is something that I repeatedly noticed in the past that also always catches me off guard! I see others putting their maximum effort in everything, no matter what it may be, while I don’t. I find it really admirable to see! I only put in the effort that I believe a situation deserves, and I don’t even notice that it’s happening right until it’s done, and then I realize that I could have done more. I need to take that cap off. I must always do my best!

Allowing myself to feel love and to never be ashamed by it! This should be a given, but I have been consciously trying to be more open about expressing my love for things. I don’t know how I was doing before, and I’m not sure if I’m doing any better or worse now, or if I’m doing it right or wrong, but I’m going to do it, anyway! If I like or love something, I should feel no shame or embarrassment about it and just own that appreciation for it. If it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and it’s not hurting anybody, what’s the harm in it? Show it, and show it freely! 💖

I know there are more things I need to work on myself, and I’m sure that I have more that I just can’t put into words just yet.

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