I have written about this before, but I have been thinking about it again. It’s about the meaninglessness of life, and my acceptance of that, and what it’s like to see people around me — either close to me, or just humanity in general — cope in this world through any way they can, be it spirituality or religion or something else.
Honestly, I have never felt more liberated in my life than after I realized that life really doesn’t mean anything. Because, by knowing that, I felt like it unloaded a huge burden off of my shoulders. For all of my life, I have been led to believe that there is something I am doing things for, something bigger than I am that’s waiting for me, but while that kind of thinking has its merits and has its advantages and good points, it caused me a lot of unnecessary stress, because now that I think about it, what was I stressing out about? What for?
And these “bigger” things that people have advertised to be what I’m working either for or towards aren’t actually that important to me. As I’ve gotten older, as I have experienced more (actually, not even that much!) and as I have learned more, I’ve come to realize that these things aren’t even that important in my life, and taking a step back from all of these things to zoom out to the bigger perspective, I’ve realized that they aren’t even that important in the larger scale of my life (as in, my existence), either. Then, it occurred to me: Why am I doing this? Why are we all doing this? What’s the point of all this? Because in the end, when it comes down to it, it’s not that important, and all these things, they don’t even matter. And I feel like a lot of us put priorities into the wrong things, and that’s why a lot of us are so unhappy.
From my perspective, it looks like we’re all just ants working blindly. Don’t you wonder what the heck these little crawlies are up to? They are such industrious creatures, and they’re so organized that they even have this hierarchy going on, and they have a societal structure of some sort of who gets the job done and all that, but that’s it for them. That’s it. They’re so busy all the time working so hard. That’s how it is for some humans, too. It’s all about the work, but I’m not talking about simple employment; I’m talking about all kinds of work — just to reach that “end” of that advertised ladder that society has built for us, or whatever it is that is the “pinnacle” of humanity, of the human of all trades.
What’s the point of that? We’re trying too hard for nothing. People are overworking themselves — not only their physical selves, but their whole being — trying so hard to live a life that other people made them believe life to be, especially nowadays when it’s all about productivity, being busy, and all that craziness. That seems to be the ultimate definition of the Perfect Life or How to Live Life Correctly right now.
So much stress.
I guess I’m being too critical about how other people choose to live their lives. Maybe they find meaning in working, in being so mindlessly busy. But I just want to say, I can’t help but observe and have my judgments. I don’t know if “worried” is the appropriate term I’m looking for, but I’m just “worried” seeing how stressed some people are, that they’re working too hard, and they’re too immersed in the system, that they forget to take a breath, live, and enjoy life as it is. Then again, maybe, that is what life means to them.
For me, though, life is in the now. Sure, I have plans for the future, but everything in this world I have acknowledged to be disposable. It can disappear any moment, and that’s the truth, and that’s fine. Personally, for me — and this is more like a philosophy I’ve built for myself — there is no “greater something,” no “greater anything,” that I’m searching for or working towards. I don’t think something like that exists, at least for me, and it’s not what I’m after. Because that is an illusion, when you describe something like that, something “greater” or “bigger,” it’s always in terms of potential, and it’s always in the future. It’s never going to be something that you can reach, because you will always be hoping for something better than that. Wanting, wanting more, wanting something better. It’s natural to want. So if you base your life around that, you will never be satisfied. Sure, I have little goals, too, small day-to-day things that I want to accomplish and give me a sense of satisfaction every time I check them off my to-do list for the day, and they are what motivate me to wake up every morning, but when it comes to my life as a whole, to my whole existence as a human being on this earth, I don’t think it’s supposed to be that complicated. That’s living in the future, a future that may or may not exist, and I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s too… “stressful” might be one. I don’t think, you know, that life is supposed to be that complex. I think that it’s supposed to be simple. It is what it is.
It can give a person purpose, though, and I guess that’s the main drive for others, purpose, and it’s basically the point of the whole thing, and I recognize that. But for me, I don’t need a purpose. I’m just here, enjoying whatever this is, and recognizing it as mine to live. It made me — and makes me — a happier person, who is at peace with myself and my “life.”
Or maybe I’m just talking bullshit. Bullshit that works for me.